August Grey

 

"The emotional labor pains of becoming a mother are far greater than the physical pangs of birth; these are the growing surges of your heart as it pushes out selfishness and fear and makes room for sacrifice and love. It is a private and silent birth of the soul, but it is no less holy than the event of childbirth - perhaps even more sacred." - Joy Kusek

Our Sweet August Grey.  

April 10th, 2017.  Today was the day of your due date.  It even still says in our calendar "baby time" which made me smile real big when I rolled out of bed this morning.  Little did we know that you had other plans + we are so very thankful you did.  4 weeks ago you took your first breath + at the same time took ours away.  We were in no way prepared for your early arrival.  We hadn't yet packed a bag for the hospital, bought you that cute little outfit to go home in, or mentally prepared for the whole birth thing.  We hadn't finished the work we wanted to get done, read any books on "how to be a great parent", or booked that appointment to finally have a pedicure so I would have pretty toes for your arrival.  We hadn't yet started packing for our big move to your new home (happening the week after you arrived) which also meant we didn't have time to set up your crib or make your nursery all cute.  But we rolled with the unexpected plan knowing that in a few hours we would get to finally meet the creature that was growing on the inside of me for the past 36 weeks.  And what a beautiful creature you were.  Laying eyes on you for the first time was our favorite moment of life so far.  Hearing your voice, seeing your face, touching your cheeks and then looking over to see tears rolling down your dads face.  I wish I could have paused that moment forever.  For the first few hours of life we just stared at you.  You had the perfect little nose, round face + chubby cheeks.  In a single moment you had changed our whole world.  Our love for you was bigger than we ever imagined possible.  

Bringing you into the world was the hardest thing I have ever done.  There were a few times that I thought I couldn't do it but your dad was the best support + kept my spirits high + my focus on the prize...YOU.  I remember all of it.  I remember the pain.  I remember each contraction.  I remember the disappointment I felt after labouring for a few hours + hearing the Dr. say I was only at 3 cm.  I remember the relief + joy I felt when I made it to 10.  I remember the midwife saying she could see your head + had me reach down to touch it.  I remember feeling this overwhelming strength + empowerment to finish knowing that you were so close.  I remember the look of pride + pure joy on your dads face when he saw you coming.  I remember hearing your cry + the instant relief knowing you had made it safely.  I remember the moment we found out you were a girl + the words "you are so smart" that came out of your dads mouth.  Can't wait to tell you why he said those words :)  Birth was harder than I imagined it would be.  No book, blog, or testimonies of others will ever prepare you for it.  It stretched me to my core + tested the depths of which I would fight for something I wanted so badly, despite the pain.  I underestimated my strength + surprised myself with how focused I was.  I kept imagining the end, knowing that all the pain would be worth it when you were finally in my arms.  I had the most amazing team around me, giving me all the support I needed to give you a beautiful + safe entrance into the world.  Your dad held me tight when I needed him to + his constant words telling me how strong I was made me feel like I could do anything.  Cora, your midwife, was exactly what I needed to bring you safely into the world.  Her guidance + calming presence made me feel more empowered than I ever have before.  While I was holding you, soaking in all the pure baby bliss, Cora sat down beside me to tell me how amazing I did + that I gave you the most beautiful entrance into the world. Those words will stay with me forever.   

Look up to the stars our sweet August Grey + always remember that there are no limits to what you can do.  You were created for greatness.  We are so honoured that we get to be your parents + cannot wait to show you the world.

A huge THANK YOU to Hello Tomorrow + Justine Boulin for documenting Auggie's birth in the most beautiful way.  We were so honored to have them there with us + what they captured will be cherished forever by our family.  They both did such an amazing job that we couldn't just keep it for ourselves + wanted to invite you all to share in Auggie's birth story through photos + film.